I Sometimes Feel That I’m Far Too Much Of A “chameleon”, How Do I Be A More Fully Integrated Guy?

Hi all,
Thanks so much for taking the time. My question is simple as stated in the title. Allow me to provide a few minutes of background. I’m hoping you’ll see where I’m coming from…
I used to think it was a just a problem of teenage-hood, but I still have this issue now in my early twenties…
With my family, I’m one man… With friends from high school, another… With friends from college, another… With friends from one job, another… And at a different job, another… and so on.
In some cases, the differences in my attitude, beliefs, and behavior aren’t all that extreme and I could consider it “standard deviation”. In other cases, my vocabulary changes, I become uncertain of my true beliefs and attitudes, and so on… I just subdue myself and try to fit in. It’s phobia and it’s tragic.
I have strong reason to believe that this is because I was always trying to be good enough for Daddy and Mommy, trying to make them happy, and working hard to ‘be the right way’. I’m wondering if maybe I hardly ever learned what it could be like to just not worry about it. I was a bit of a neurotic kid in childhood. My Father surely is a diagnosable narcissist and I did spent much of my early life needing to impress.
I’m also certain that underlying my inability to be certain, all at once, of all of my ‘sides’ and contrasting (even conflicting) attitudes and beliefs are feelings like immense worry and anxiety, anger, fear, insecurity, vulnerability, and a certain longing to be appreciated unconditionally.
It’s rare that I’m feeling comfortable enough to feel authentically myself instead of feeling like a ‘character’, but when I AM feeling that level of security and comfort, I feel so good that I hardly recognize myself. <<< That's a bit worrying to me.
The old adage "Be yourself" always has annoyed me because I feel as if many other people must have some deeper and more courageous understanding of that expression than I do.
In high school, kids are always trying to figure out exactly what's what, who's who, and what they're place in everything is. And to some extent, I know this process goes way beyond adolescence as we're always getting to know ourselves and our world.
HOWEVER,
My issue is that I'm no longer a teenager and I feel my fear to be more accepting of myself is a serious detriment to my social life, my family life, my dating and sex life, my career life, and thus my general overall happiness. My relationships yearn for depth, intimacy, and authenticity, but self-disclosure is something I'm supremely guarded, superficial, and anxious about. I've adapted an ability to be great at drawing shallow relationships at the cost of steering well-clear of growth and closeness.
ON THE POSITIVE SIDE OF THINGS…
I have recently felt, with the help of some of my best friends, that I'm starting to relax more, get waaay more open, and worry far less. It's just… it doesn't feel good and I'm somewhat living on the edge of panic as I gradually learn to be more honest about myself.
FOR ALL OF YOU WHO LIKE A LIL BIT OF DREAM ANALYSIS…
I just remembered this literally right now…
After a couple years of having recurring dreams about being in the backseat or passenger seat of my own 'dream' car being driven by a parent or friend, LAST NIGHT I had a dream about driving alone in my own car. I was driving around freely without worry until I came up to a sign telling me the road was out. It re-routed me to a different road and as I turned to get onto that road with all the other cars, I saw that one of my tires was flat. (Incidentally, my brother's front right tire just went flat the other day.) But more to the point… I was finally driving on my own in my dream… but I was moving slower than the other cars and scared to death that I wasn't going to make it home or that I would get hit by the cars coming from behind me. Slowly but surely I saw that I was safe and that there was more than enough space around me to maneuver my way home. Hm… maybe I have a phobia of the road, too.
SO,
Thanks again for reading and hopefully it was interesting.
Any thoughts and counsel are appreciated.